I ignore each and every ghost in this notepad. it's unreal and scarce. the joy i felt today was gone for too long. to feel secure and held. laughing with a drink in hand. so freely and alive. the sun hit my body and let me free. the sand fell through my hands and toes. brushing her shoulders onto his and staring blissfully and nearly vacant at or into the sun. stumbling into the woods but he held onto her with his off balance hand. shyly and nearly dumbfounded she opened her lips or her mouth either worked. kiss quickly and walk slower. car rides in the sun, no frowns, no sand toes, no sticky fingers or lips. the mushrooms were greener and better. her empty stomach, the sun. she nearly falls he catches her. ouch, my mouth and lips hurt. alcohol is the devil and i think i love him. 12 30 robbers, water noise like waterfalls but calm and quiet. eyes keep playing some ugly little tricks and the phones not rining but it is. i don't really know how. my leg is on fire but a cold flame not hot but red. j not john. massage not message. but message to me. find life. hold it. fuck this does not work.